Nasyid Cafe: Nasyid Jiwang Ala Islam by Kamal La Great.

Preface by Mr.Benign: Finally I got myself a guest writer to write me an entry for NasyidCafe. His name is Ahmad Kamal, my roomate when we were both still reading law (yes, we read not study law) in the awesome Garden of Knowledge and virtue, UIA. Kamal used to be in several nasyid groups back in the days and was the president of the university's Nasyid Club back in 2005/06.  So you better not mess with this guy. He practiced law for a few years and decided that court rooms and cranky subordinate court judges were too lame for his liking thus calling it a day. Now, he is one of the many legal managers for one of the biggest telco company in Malaysia and he also blogs when he got the time. I forced him to write something for my blog and without any hesitation he agrees to throw some right and left jabs to the lame and dull Malaysia nasyid scene. Visit his blog at www.thenameiskamal.blogspot.com to read his witty sense of humor. I may not agree to everything he wrote but hell, this is one funny piece. If you dont have any sense of humor and needs a dictionary to understand the word pun, wit and ironi, you can stop reading right now and go play with your ABC cards, junior.

NASYID JIWANG ALA ISLAM - by Kamal La Great.   

Nasyid Café struck me like a revelation. It was like meeting an old flame, rekindling the magical moments of love, interest and passion… I was in love again! Truth be told, I’ve left the nasyeed world for a good number of years now. Save to say, the moment I walked out of UIA was the moment I said farewell to nasyeed. So, when Mr. Benign invited me to write in his blog I seriously wondered why. What can I possibly say about nasyeed that is still of relevance? But being the ‘what the heck!’ guy that I am… Well, here I am… Taa daa!

Time has not been to kind to most of us. Me, for instance. I left university weighing 80 but now I’m on the second tier of obesity. Benign, just to quote another example started matriculation as a feather weight spotting a serban and wore destist-ish white shirt to class. He’s now a fat ass spotting bagging pants. The point is, time changes things or rather things change with time. This is just how things are and its logic. It applies throughout… Or so I thought.

Change is good. Me being fat is good, it gives my wife a greater sense of security albeit a false one, and imagine 28 year old single Benign being slim (as he was ten years ago), but wearing a jacket, creased pants and driving a black Vios with rims covers, people would think he’s gay! But because he’s fat, he’s a guy!

Going back to nasyeed, after a month or so of catching up with the latest nasyeeds and nasyeed bands, I now form the opinion that nasyeed is impervious to time and change. This law of nature and logic does not apply to nasyeed. You see, at the point I left nasyeed five years ago, ‘nasyeed jiwang’ as they called it and ‘women worshipping’ clad in ballad was the “in” thing. So, whilst listening to the new tunes a few weeks ago and all the while having the law of time and change at the back of my mind I was utterly shocked. Had I been more shocked I would had probably died of heart attack! – My God! nasyeed jiwang and women worshipping is still the craze! And after five years?!! Unwilling to draw a premature conclusion I scoured the internet and… Yes to my dismay, it is still the ‘in’ thing.

Just to proof my point, the last time I checked, Sheila on 7 a band well known for their lovey-dovey lullabies like ‘Sephia’ is out and bands singing religiously aligned messages like Wali Band are in. ‘Tangkap leleh’ songs by tangkap leleh bands are out and replaced by more aggressive indie bands and musicians. This is change and it is good.

Look, change is necessary. Change sparks creativity. Creativity is a sign of a healthy mind. So, if change equates to healthy mind, than the guys in the indie bands are Einstens and the Nasyeedians are bloody retards!

Where’s the creativity in nasyeed? Why are the nasyeeds in Malaysia confined to the four walls of jiwang and women worshipping clad in ballad? For God’s sake, Why?

After giving it a lot of thought over the pass few days, I’ve managed to reason it out. It is because of the fans. Yup the fans. The economic rule of supply and demand applies just as well to nasyeed as it does to say Nasi Lemak. When a Makcik on a stretch of road got filthy rich by selling Nasi Lemak, all the other Makcik within the area suddenly decided to hop on the Nasi Lemak bus and start selling Nasi Lemak within the next month. The same logic applies in nasyeed, Nasyeedians give the listeners or fans what they want. Under any other circumstance this would not be a bad thing at all. But in the case of nasyeed, it is a bad… very bad thing. Because the problem is that the same people listening to nasyeeds and practically make up the market are mostly the same people reading Ahadiyat Akashah and ‘Islamic’ romance novels. They love to cry, they are jiwang, they live in lala land and fantasize a lot. The muslimahs love to embellish their jiwang infested minds with depiction of men being of pan-Asian look, tall, six pack, wearing a shirt with jeans yada yada yada. Dear nasyeed fans, please be honest and tell me that I am right.

But here’s the thing, consumers don’t always know what they want. Had some of the Makcik sold Nasi Kerabu or Nasi Dagang instead of Nasi Lemak, they might have made it bigger! Why..? Because they made a change and nobody is going to eat Nasi Lemak everyday. People need change in appetite! The same logic applies to Nasyeedians, try and spoon out something different and you might just get more mouths than you can feed.

Please allow me to give a word of caution to nasyeed fans who are dwelling themselves in nasyeed jiwang at this very moment, who I know are mostly in their late teens or early 20s’. You might love nasyeed jiwang songs like say Sulaman Cinta now because they remind you of a certain special someone or it simply tickles your love glen making you feel all fuzzy and bubbly inside, but things don’t always work out as you plan them to be. That special someone might just decide to dump you citing excuses like dreams and family! And because of that, five years from now you’d probably scorn upon the slightest beat of the damn song. You’d even rip out your hair from your scalp.

That said, the next time you attend a gig and a Nasyeedian happens to sing a nasyeed jiwang, please advice them to sing a Nasyeed of a different kind and if that doesn’t work whack them with a broom stick. Hard! You’d might as well do it now rather than later regretting you didn’t. Hate these guys, boycott their show, and shout ‘boo’ even. Do whatever you have to do to express despise and utter hate.

Trust me folks I know what I’m talking about. I used to drool at Bisikan Nurani and absolutely loved it! - But now the moment I hear it, I wished I had a gun so I can yank it in my mouth, pull the trigger and blow my brains to smithereens.

Kejernihan wajahmu, sempurna pada pandanganku

Kau kirana… Bisikan nuraniku, engkaulah pilihanku.

Akan ku pertahankan amanah suci ini…

Oohh the rubbish. God have mercy!